Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
