Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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