a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
