i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
