Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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