well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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