You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
