pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
