I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
