bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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