woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
