WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
