I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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