Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
