Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
