I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
