I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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