Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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