Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
