I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I will be naked everywhere
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
