Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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