i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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