You made me cry and you don't even care
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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