He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
