i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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