i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
