so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
