so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
