physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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