Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
