my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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