like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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