If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
