he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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