forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
