listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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