i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You made out with two different species that night
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What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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