I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
