it hurts more in the daytime
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
