DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
