I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
