she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I cut my penus on the lid.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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