Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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