Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
