im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
