It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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