Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
