I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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