College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just googled if crying burns calories
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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