Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
