Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
