god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
