I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
