You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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