i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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