i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want her autograph on my taint
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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