did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
