You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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