Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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