he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
