i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
