happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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