My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
