Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
