Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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