This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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