I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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