Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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