im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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