TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
third nipple confirmed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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