Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
