I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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