The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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