Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
