Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have fence marks all over my body
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
