I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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