we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
