Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
